Center (sprint) with lovely~naughty Iwe the little white horse

Secangkir Kopi dari Playa

What's wrong with me?

Yes, what is wrong with me?

Well, I often get some weird situation with people around me? I don't know why. When this is happen, I try to be defended rather than offended. In fact I always feel guilty even maybe I'm not wrong at this case. But people get easily irritate me with their way. I easily get depressed.

I mean I'm only human. It's normal if I do a few mistake, in purpose or not. I also try really hard to understand and treat them the way they want to be treated. If it is wrong if I want to be understood too? Why? I can't stop asking why? I'm a kind of person who avoid having a problem with another, but why there is always an unnecessary problem happen?

What's wrong with me? Seriously I want to be a better person. For myself, for my family, my friends, my boyfriend and all people. So if I have done a mistake, just tell me. And if you want to tell me, just find a right time when I'm not in a bad situation. Thx U

Bye for now,

Great Lost for Ayu's Death

with a heavy warm raindrops in Jogjakarta

I'm sorry for didn't write some post yesterday, meanwhile I promised to you and myself to post everyday. Well there was something suddenly happened yesterday, which shocked me enough.

Yesterday, I passed the day started with a great stomach in early morning. I had to go to the toilette like thousands time, that made my body feels very weak. Because of the stomach disaster, I canceled the "Pikatan Horsing Club" photo session with another peeps from Unit Berkuda UGM. Unfortunately, because I really wanted to hang around with my peeeps from the club, I missed them so much.

But fortunately, the ordinary day had changed because my UB peep, Nadya invited me to join with another peeps to watch movies in Moviebox. I was really glad, because finally there is something to do to pass the Saturday night. So I was picked up in 8pm and enjoyed the horror movies which enough scary. After movies, me and my peeps had some dinner time in Kedai 24 in Seturan. We laughed, eaten food noisy and play some minigame which made us very happy. You know, that usually, I m not easily feels comfort in group that I rarely join in. But I always feel comfortable when I stay around them. Though most of our conversation mostly filled by such jokes things (not kind of 'heavy' conversation that makes you confuse). I still enjoy the club. I still wondering why I really feel such a great warm.
:)) thank u fellas

Then, the badnews was arrived via text sent to Darsim said that Ayu one of the horses is dying. Me, Nadya, Afa and Darsim, went right away to stable in Godean. Though it was almost in the middle of the night, Nadya bravely driven her car with me and afa while darsim had ride his motorcycle.

And this is the shocking news I told above. When we arrived in Godean, Ade the groomer said that Ayu had dead. And suddenly Nadya and Afa crying, Darsim seemed more tough to face the death. I felt sad and lost, but i wasn't crying at all. Well I m not a kind of girl who easily get tears run out. I dont know why,.

Because it's almost 2am in the morning, we decided to go home and come back again for Ayu's funeral.

On the way home, I felt really sorry for Nadya who couldnt stop crying. She kept the phone on the line called another UB peeps, told them about Ayu's death. I amaze to, how Ayu could really stay in nadya's heart, so when she's gone, Nadya feel a great lost. I do believe that there is a strong connection between God's creature, who love each other. I this case, Ayu was Nadya first horse that Nadya rode bravely. And from Nadya story, Ayu is the sweetest horse that always act nice and good even to newbi. Too bad that I have not ever rode with her. But still I love her so much, honestly.

And now, Ayu has buried in the cornfield near her stable. I always remember her as a nice sweet horse who always longing for people touch in her head. And will be always UB sweetheart that we will never forget. Goodbye sweety,

Disoriented

.. and still, I haven't found what I'm looking for

Late Nite Talk : I Miss You

It's us. Having a little fight via facebook chat. It's been more than two years, but still..

So, then, though all the fight and painful feeling, I still miss you. I'm longing stay in your big arm and cry loudly.
I'm longing to be missed by you, to be kissed by you..

I'm longing your breakfast and your morning kisses, your white lily, your photograph (me inside), I miss your long hair (but still, you looking good now)

I still feel so much pain, but still I miss you so much

Let Bygone Be Bygone

Hallo everyone,
Entah kenapa saya memberi judul seperti itu. Mungkin terinspirasi dari semua yang terjadi belakangan di hidup saya secara umum. Entah kenapa hari-hari belakangan terasa makin asing, makin rumit dan makin sulit untuk saya. Tapi dengan segala keikhlasan, saya sadar semua yang berlalu biarlah berlalu, toh tidak akan dapat terulang lagi.

Dimulai dari masalah keluarga yang tak kunjung selesai, masalah cinta yang itu-itu juga dan banyak hal lainnya yang campur aduk. Saking campur aduknya, saya ga tau bisa mengurutkan secara runut ata nggak.

Yang pasti, pagi ini dimulai biasa-biasa dengan kegiatan shalat, spongebob jam 6, mencuci baju, cuci piring, masak sarapan dan leyeh-leyeh. Saya tidur sangat larut setelah memberi Sekar Amanda, teman dekat saya, surprise ulang tahun, juga kegiatan insom lainnya seperti membaca buku dan melihat-lihat jadwal hari ini.

Ga ada yang penting sampai saya telpon mama pagi-pagi. Jujur karena hubungan saya yang belakangan kurang begitu baik sama mama, tadinya saya mau telpon pengasuh saya sejak kecil, cuma untuk mengobati kekangenan terhadap kampung halaman. Tak ada maksud lain. Sampai akhirnya Encuy pengasuh saya tiba-tiba memberikan telpon sama mama. Yahh berhubung belum dikirim juga, saya ngobrol aja, sekalian minta sangu.

Bla bla bla... setelah ngobrol ngalor ngidul, akhirnya sampailah ke poin yang paling sering membuat saya dan mama berantem. Sumpah, saking (hampir) emosionalnya saya, saya mengelus dada menahan diri agar ga marah sama mama. Huff
Well, selain sesi hampir berantemnya, sisa pembicaraan di telpon pagi itu berlangsung aman. Mama malah sempet tanya-tanya masalah nikah segala. Oh gosh. I'm stil going on 24th, dont be so hurry Ma..

Dan seharian saya ga ada pulsa, karena saya benar-benar kehabisan pulsa. Jadilah saya ga bisa menghubungi Imam. Tapi sedihnya, dia baru menghubungi jam 7 malam td, itupun cuma informasi singkat. Tadinya saya berharap ditelpon dan berharap dia sekedar memastikan keadaan saya baik-baik saja. Tapi yahh, sampai sekarang ga ada kabar apa-apa lagi. Ahh sudahlah, mungkin dia memang benar-benar sibuk hingga ta sempat menghubungi saya lagi. I just try to be positif

Ada lagi yang ga biasa di hari ini, when thousands tears came out!! Yap.. entah kenapa (lagi) tadi saya tiba-tiba bisa mengeluarkan semuanya lagi ke salah satu teman terbaik, Raras. Dari kemarin saya memang sering menangis tanpa sebab, tapi yahh ga bener-bener keluar. Baru tadi badha magrib saya benar-benar bisa mengeluarkan semuanya. I dont know but I think, she just a good listener so I can release all pain inside. Yang pasti saya senang, karena, saya yang biasanya ta begitu cocok bersahabat dengan perempuan bisa menemukan sosok-sosok yang bisa mengerti betapa rumitnya saya dan hidup saya. Thx to Rifgie Indiraswari and Sekar Amanda. I know we're quite different, but we meant to each others :)
(Jadi kangen Diela juga :))

Nah kan ini benar-benar random semuanya, yasudah. Ini permulaan dari saya yang takut. Takut bahkan untuk sekedar menulis lagi. Semoga besok-besok saya konsisten mengisi postingan. Sekedar mendokumentasikan apa yang terjadi di hidup.
Semua besok berjalan lancar : kumpul PSTV, kumpul Berkuda dan ahh yaa, pesan mawar!!

Goodnite everyone, God Bless